![]() ![]() If you avoid eye contact at those moments, they will assume that you’re not listening (and therefore not interested in either the conversation or them) or that you don’t like what you hear. Most speakers will glance at you occasionally to see if you’re listening, if you’ve understood, if you are interested or amused, and so on. Most people will care more about preserving the relationship than about winning an argument with active listening and some common sense and courtesy, it is actually possible to do both.Įmotional Interpersonal Speech (The Most Active Listening Required) If you do not use active listening skills and only focus on your own thoughts and opinions, you will look like a jerk who does not care about the person you’re talking to. ![]() It is certainly fine to disagree, even to argue about opinions, as long as you can simultaneously convey that you still like and respect the person you’re disagreeing with. ![]() If someone is willing to open up to you in this way, you must not only show that you understand, but that you care. By giving your opinion, you are risking disagreement (which may damage the relationship), and allowing other people to make judgments about you. Informational Exchanges (Some Active Listening Required)Įxchanges of opinion and judgment are simultaneously informational (as these opinions and judgments may be new and important information) and interpersonal (as they represent some sharing of private thoughts and personality that allow you to form a closer relationship). Other ritual interactions include service exchanges (“You want fries with that?”–> “Yes, please.” or “Can I get you anything else?” → “No, thank you.”, etc.) and exchange of leave-takings (“Bye.” → “See ya!”) (but note that a great deal of conversational work may be required before one gets to the ritualized leave-taking: see ending a conversation.) What’s up with you?”), showing that most people don’t even listen to the actual words of the greeting! Of course, someone may really want to know how you are (especially if you have recently had troubles), but typically this will wait until later in the conversation. In fact, it’s quite common to hear a mismatched pair of greetings (“What’s up?” → “Fine, how are you?” or “How are you?” → “Not much. The speaker doesn’t expect a sincere or detailed response, just a reciprocal expression of greeting. People generally seem to reuse a handful of frozen phrases (“How are you?” “What’s up?” “Hey”, etc.) and are expressing nothing more important than acknowledging your presence. Exchanging greetings with someone you already know doesn’t require very active listening. ![]()
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